You were right. It hurts to walk today.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
