I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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