im drinking this country out of the recession.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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