meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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