Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
