did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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