We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
