Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
