Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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