On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
it was like eating out sand paper
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
