I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
