I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Man, jail baloney is awful.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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