Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
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