how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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