my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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