I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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