My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
whose ass print is on the piano?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
