New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
