so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
