that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
