I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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