just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
