I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
