I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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