The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
