My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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