I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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