make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
