okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Even the bartender felt bad for me
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
