Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
