the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
