Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
