I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
