a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
