i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
