The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
birth control should be required to get into college
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
