I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
