My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
