Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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