he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
