I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
