Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
