peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
