So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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