Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
