anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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