i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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