my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
