why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
