now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
