she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
