At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
