In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
