Taylor Swift is so right about you.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
