I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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